Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
