awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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