you lied. pity sex is amazing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found puke in my bra..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
