I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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