can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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