So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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