I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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