people are starting to question the shark bite story
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
