I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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