a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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