you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
