I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
