are you still at the devil's house?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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