But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
