fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize