East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
