I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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