I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
