happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
