My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
