Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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