She announced her abortion via fbk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
