The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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