So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
