i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
