I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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