I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
