Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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