RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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