Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
