You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
