Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A+ Viking dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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