Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
