I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
