i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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