Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
