My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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