so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
