you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
