and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still dying that you shit outside
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
