this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
