I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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