he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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