She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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