My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sober January is a disaster.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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