so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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