Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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