someone get that fucking seahorse.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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