So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
