i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
